Thursday, April 7, 2011

Raise Your Big Toes and Repeat After Me

(Big Toe sculpture, Vining, MN; Photo courtesy

The good news...It's sandal season ~ woo hoo!  The bad feet are embarassingly ugly.  Not that I find anyone's feet pretty, but mine are particularly henious due to my bunions.  Cursed with this family inheritance, strutting about in high heels made them much worse.

Eeewwwhhh, I'm blogging about feet!  Don't judge me ~ this post gets better, I promise!

If I had perfect feet, a bigger bank balance and somewhere to wear them (the farm critters could care less!), I'd step out in these beauties this spring:
(Kate Spade)

...or these:

(Source: Style Me Pretty)

...or these:

(Malono Blahnik)

Several years ago this "memo" began floating around my office.  I find it hilarious and hope you do too!

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again.  Please raise your big toes and repeat after me...

I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

1.  I promise to always wear sandals that fit.  My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs.  And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
2.  I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
3.  I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
4.  I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
5.  I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
6.  I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
7.  If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put.  I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
8.  I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.
9.  I will resist the urge to by jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes.  This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others.  No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat.
10.  I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
11.  I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals.  Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.
12.  I promise if I wear flip flops, I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
13.  I promise to get a proper pedicure at least once per season.  Totally worth the money!

Ugh!  I'm guilty of breaking rules #2, 3 and 13!  And my friends and family are guilty of #12!  They are much too sweet to tell me my feet are hideous!

Nonetheless, I will wear my open toed shoes this spring, now that I've finally dragged my sorry butt over to the nail place for a pedicure!

Notice I've chosen shoes that discretely hide my bunions!  I spared you a barefoot picture; you're welcome ~ hahaha!

Confident now with my pretty pedicure, I'm just about all set for my big show this weekend ~ the Great American Pie Festival!  I'm so excited!

(Sewed a few more aprons this week, bringing my apron inventory for the Festival to 138; shy of my 150 goal but it'll have to do!)

Fingers crossed that I'll do well at the Festival!  I'll update you soon with my results.

In the meantime...

Do you have a cute pair of sandals you're sporting this spring?  Are your tootsies sandal ready?  Share a comment and you're entered to win this month's blog giveaway ~ a Retro Revival shower cap of your choice!  Drawing is April 30th.


Retreauxgirl said...

I love this post!! I am so sorry for your bunion inheritance!! I have a small size 5 1/2 and my feet look pretty adorable in any shoe (don't judge me!) But i do have to do #5 !!

Paula Parrish said...

I am planning to pick up one of your fabulous aprons this coming weekend at The Great American Pie Festival as I did last year. Last time I purchased an apron for my Mom for Mother’s Day (she loves it…..), this time I am going to be selfless and buy one for myself.
Thanks for visiting my blog at:
Smiles, Paula said...

Hahahaha! I won't hold your pretty feet against you, Retreaux Girl:) said...

Yay, Paula! I'll have lots of pretties from which to choose:) Happy to hear your mama like hers! Gonna head on over to your blog again right now...

Apron Crazy said...

Love the "memo", Cindy! I have to share the "memo" w/my co-workers. I'm a manicurist & I enjoy very much beautifying toes & nails! Lovely aprons & good luck at the festival!


SizzleandZoom said...

I love sandals. Also love the animal print
shower cap you are showing. Very cute.

The Summer Kitchen Girls said...

ahh haa haa!! Right with ya! Actually, we are going in on Monday to get our tootsies ready for sandals....whenever sandal weather decides to show it self here!! You're toes are lookin' might smart & your shoes are adorable (although, those Kate Spade's take the cake!!) Unfortunately, we have to wear sensible sandals during the day at work....nothing as cute as these - we'll save those for special occasions where we will wear them minimal - lol!!

Becky said...

I love this post! I too inherited the curse of the bunion. Makes cute shoe shopping a little harder - blegh.

138?!?! Great job! I won't tell you how few I have in comparison.

Betty Lou said...

Your a kick, Cindy. I thought I was the only one that did #5. Good luck this week-end.

Mrs Chronic-Shock said...

I wish I could wear glorious shoes like you have on this post. I don't have ugly feet, I have plantar fascitis :( But I will be getting my regular pedicures to wear with my comfortable flip flops and flat sandals!

My last pedicure I went with my sister (who has hideous hammer toes due to poor shoe choice in her youth) and the nail tech actually asked her what was wrong with her feet! My sister told her it was from bad shoes, then the lady went on and on. I could see the rage building in my sisters eyes. My poor sissy! I'm surprised she didn't kick the lady in the chin :) said...

Thanks all for your lovely coments:) As always, your feedback puts a smile on my face:) Won't be checking my blog for a couple of days. Tomorrow I'll be slammed with last minute Festival prep (ugh - one day, the day before a 2-day show I'll be so organized I can just lounge. Ha!). Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Brenda said...

I laughed my way through your "memo", but #4 truly made me nauseous. Hahaha! Since I just had a bunionectomy (is that a word?)I won't be getting a pedicure or wearing any cute sandals for a few more weeks but I'm so excited to see the results. No more trying and not buying at the shoe store. Woohooo!

Good luck at your show. I wish we lived closer so that I could go. BTW, love the ironing board info. Thanks!

LaDonna and Diana said...

How funny! I just posted about my nail polish and shoes too! Love your open toe shoes! said...

Welcome to my blog, LaDonna & Diana!

lln001 said...

How did your weekend go? Hoping it was a huge success. I love your open toe shoes...have the same problem as you with my feet.
I've been wondering how your chicken are..have your replaced the ones you lost??? Haven't read anything about them lately... said...

@lln001 ~ Pie Fest was a success! I'll do a proper blog report soon. We should design shoes for people like us:) Hahaha! Nope, Ivana's still by herself (and doing well, thanks for asking). Hestitant about adding more chickens now (I've read that she won't like that and that they'll fight) so we may wait until she goes to Chicken Heaven (a year or two from now? they don't live very long.) Hope all's well with you:)

Paula Parrish said...

Thanks so much for following my blogs!
Smiles, Paula