Raise Your Big Toes and Repeat After Me

(Big Toe sculpture, Vining, MN; Photo courtesy Oddee.com)

The good news...It's sandal season ~ woo hoo!  The bad news...my feet are embarassingly ugly.  Not that I find anyone's feet pretty, but mine are particularly henious due to my bunions.  Cursed with this family inheritance, strutting about in high heels made them much worse.

Eeewwwhhh, I'm blogging about feet!  Don't judge me ~ this post gets better, I promise!

If I had perfect feet, a bigger bank balance and somewhere to wear them (the farm critters could care less!), I'd step out in these beauties this spring:

(Kate Spade)

...or these:

(Source: Style Me Pretty)

...or these:

(Malono Blahnik)

Several years ago this "memo" began floating around my office.  I find it hilarious and hope you do too!

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again.  Please raise your big toes and repeat after me...

I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

1.  I promise to always wear sandals that fit.  My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs.  And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
2.  I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
3.  I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

4.  I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

5.  I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

6.  I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

7.  If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put.  I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

8.  I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

9.  I will resist the urge to by jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes.  This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others.  No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat.

10.  I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

11.  I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals.  Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

12.  I promise if I wear flip flops, I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

13.  I promise to get a proper pedicure at least once per season.  Totally worth the money!

Ugh!  I'm guilty of breaking rules #2, 3 and 13!  And my friends and family are guilty of #12!  They are much too sweet to tell me my feet are hideous!

Nonetheless, I will wear my open toed shoes this spring, now that I've finally dragged my sorry butt over to the nail place for a pedicure!

Notice I've chosen shoes that discretely hide my bunions!  I spared you a barefoot picture; you're welcome ~ hahaha!

Confident now with my pretty pedicure, I'm just about all set for my big show this weekend ~ the Great American Pie Festival!  I'm so excited!

(Sewed a few more aprons this week, bringing my apron inventory for the Festival to 138; shy of my 150 goal but it'll have to do!)

Fingers crossed that I'll do well at the Festival!  I'll update you soon with my results.

In the meantime...

Do you have a cute pair of sandals you're sporting this spring?  Are your tootsies sandal ready?  Share a comment and you're entered to win this month's blog giveaway ~ a Retro Revival shower cap of your choice!  Drawing is April 30th.